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The Yes Men Fix the World (2009)
IMDB rating: 7.60
Plot: Troublemaking duo Andy Bichlbaum and Mike Bonanno, posing as their industrious alter-egos, expose the people profiting from Hurricane Katrina, the faces behind the environmental disaster in Bhopal, and other shocking events.
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Directors: Bichlbaum Andy
Actors: Watts Reggie,Bonanno Mike,Documentary,
Is this love? Or am I just stupid?
A very long story short..
I first met this girl when I was a teenager. She was so beautiful to me. I cannot fully explain it but the moment I saw her, I was covered in warmth, and I knew I was looking at the person who I finally wanted to look at. We said "hi" to each other and from that moment on we were inseparable. We spoke hours and hours a day every single day just truly getting to know each other. It was intense, so damn intense. We were young, yes I know. But it was just right. I could have married her right there and then, and I wish I had. She was just everything perfect to me. Everything that I was, she was and wasn’t; we fit perfectly in each others hands. She lived in a city far from me, as I did not drive. So it was near impossible to see each other when needed and at the time, (I had not known this for many years) but I was struggling with a substance abuse problem which effected me in the sense I had no responsibility, and the lack of capability to more forward. I was about 17 and I got kicked out my house, had no job, no license, no nothing. It started to wear on us both as at the time we were very emotional people (her especially). Eventually we broke up and I was absolutely devastated. I cannot fully explain the emotion toll I took over this but it was too much for me. My life went down in the drain. I invested everything I had emotionally into this beautiful girl and now we were not together and I had no idea what to do. Through the years I still (unknowingly) battled with alcohol, and me and this girl still spoke occasionally. I am well aware that it is nearly impossible for me to explain how much I loved her without boring you off. Anyway, I joined the Army in hopes of shaping my life up and fixing myself all-around in hopes when I came through I would be a man. It seems everything else I have done was to try to fix myself into the man she needed. And when I say this, I don’t mean change me as a person as a personality, I mean, change my responsibilities, my life, my career, my everything. For many years I have always felt that someday, when I am a man, and she is a woman, we will meet when the time is right and get back together. What makes it worse, is I have tattoos in her "memory" on my body, beautiful lyrics specifically. I still feel the same way I felt when I was a teenager, I still want to be with her and make her happy and help her fulfill her life. But I feel like that is so silly of me because it has been so many years. I have had girlfriends thereafter, and I have met so many people, but this girl man, there is just something about I cannot explain. She was just IT to me. She was everything a perfect dream could dream of. Every girl I meet, even years later, just doesn’t cut it for me. I just see a reflection of the girl in my past and they just don’t measure up. She was, and is, the most beautiful girl in the entire world to me. We still talk occasionally but I don’t want to ask her these silly questions. I don’t think of her all the time like I used to, very rarely or when I am showering and looking at my tattoos. But deep down, I can feel it in me..I still want to have a life with her. I think..
Another point to make it..I would be willing to fall in love again, and I have tried. But it has never been the same. She found me at the right time and I poured my entire heart into hers, and I feel like a lot of that part of me is still missing. I just don’t feel like my heart is capable of loving in such a deep and passionate way.
I could truly go on forever, but I will not..
Any ideas? advice?
PS. The hardest part is there was never a yes or a no. It is always left that maybe someday we will spend our lives together. She felt the way that I felt about her. This is something that lingers with me every single day of my life..will it ever be? I can’t help but ask myself..
Now I am older, and I have finally fixed my life. I am leading the life I wish I were then..
Hey, thank you guys for responding so well.
I just want to reiterate: I am happy, and I am very content with my life as it is going. My life is finally leading down the correct path.
I know I should tell her how I feel, even though I am 100% certain she knows (if not just from my tattoos alone).
My biggest concern/fear is that I am not fully ready to be her lover. I have it in my mind that we would be right for each other when I am my perception of a man. And of course, I am so nervous. We do speak, occasionally, not as often as I would like. One of the last times we talked she called me drunk and told me a lot of things that I wish she didn’t (her feelings for me and how she misses me). But, also, I think I am extremely afraid. As pathetic as it might sound, one of the last times we hung out it took me almost an hour to leave my house while she waited out front for me.
Imagining me being with her for the first time always makes me feel nervous, thus making me doubt so much..
be a man, and tell her the way u feel………..it doesn’t matter if she refuses,at least in future u won’t regret that u didn’t ask her at the right time
pearl | Feb 08, 2010
omgsh….. awwhhhhhh this sounds like love to me:) awwshhs
<3
smish_48 | Feb 08, 2010
there is no magic bullet, you just got to call her up and see if she is amiable to the idea of dating you again. Shine on you crazy mormon.
shortagainstthebox2002 | Feb 08, 2010
You can’t fall in love again this is the person you were meant for.Do you still talk to her do you still see each other???I think you should email me at my private e-mail to get some better advice than I can give you on this.And you can tell me all the details I wont be bored,trust me it’s ashleyadvice911@gmail.com
Ashley | Feb 08, 2010
y sooooooooo long… anyways u r seriously in love!
Diana | Feb 08, 2010
Don’t we all. I screwed up the same way finally tossed in the towel and started living in the present, Get rid of the past it will eat you up. Hell I’m 66 and I never have forgot the females I loved, never will you just learn to deal with it. Throw in the towel life does get better, I’m happy and so can you.
Tag23 | Feb 08, 2010
You’re not stupid you’re in love and it’s time for you to make a decision for your life. It really is time to let go of me maybe or someday or somehow. You have to choose: either you want her back in your life (since you’ve been trying to become better for her which is great) or just forget about it. If you choose to forget about her, then you really have to stop comparing whoever you meet and just let go of the past. If you choose to ger her back into your life you better do it fast. Since she feels the same way and since you’ve made things better, I think you should give yourself another chance. I think there’s still hope. But if you don’t think it’ll happen, then just try to let go and go on. You’ll find someone to love if you let go of your past. It’s your life and you build it. So do things the way you think it’s best for you.
Pegah | Feb 08, 2010
Your not stupid, and I totally understand this because I have lived the same situation. You need to take the chance and not let it pass by if you ever expect to get on with your life. I was 15 when my situation passed by. It took 15 years later to find closure. Yes I dated men had relationships but could never stop thinking of him,and comparing him to everyone else. He married, so did I, but yet I actually told my husband what the deal was. I was in Mich, and he was in Tenn. So I went to Tenn and met with him and talked with him. When I saw him, well in my case he had changed dramatically and to say for the extreme worse. I hate to sound shallow but he looked like hell. Yet in my heart I still felt the warm fuzzy thing. I noticed you used the term beautiful many times while explaining your feelings. Well the guy I remember was off the page gorgeous. The man I met 15 years later was well not even near getting on a page. I am sure you want honesty so here goes. I was over him the minute saw him. I do believe I really loved him at one time. I know I did. Yet seeing how he let himself go and settled in life and was no longer the man who wanted to change the world, and live life to the fullest was such a complete turn off to me. He lived on the land Mommy bought him. He became everything he said he would never be. I love adventure, I love to travel, I love to live life to the fullest. I realized from seeing him, that everything I ever wanted was right in my face. (My husband) Now is my marriage perfect no, is my husband the love of my life, yes. Had I not taken the time to get closure I would be cheating on my husband still because I never would have realized just what I had at home. You may find the opposite,and she may be the one and that is why you are still hanging on. Or you may find like I did somethings are better left to memory. Oh and no one can ever take those from you. I think the fair thing for you and other women is to make this encounter happen. Don’t say it can’t, because we live in internet world now. People can be found etc. Make it happen, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by getting closure. (or getting with her) Meet with her and tell her what you told us. Get yourself free, one way or the other it is crucial for your future. If you end up like I did, then hey a women out there gets all of you and not just a part. Then your heart will be open to allow fairness to another women. Heck the women of your dreams could be right in your face right now and you can’t see because of blinders.
Hey wish you the very best.
Lisa N | Feb 08, 2010
